Social life? Meh.

I went out last night to the LARP that I participate in. I spent a good chunk of the night feeling somewhat bored and uncomfortable. Add to that the fact that I was completely out of ideas as to how I could cause mischief and it resulted in a fairly uneventful (game wise) session. I spent more time just talking with people I know.

It made me realize just how much I tend to isolate myself. It was a disappointment to realize that. I've been struggling with my mental illness. It was a surprise to see just how much of a struggle it has been to maintain my social contacts even by way of internet activity. I've started working with a social worker in the hopes of building more contacts within the community I live in. I was getting frustrated with that business but neglecting my established social connections.

To say the least that realization bothered me as I drove home. I functionally don't have a social life except for a handful of things I do. I need to correct that. It's not healthy of me to withdraw so much and it is my hope that I will do more to work on that. This little blog entry is essentially my making public a promise to myself: I will maintain my relationships and build more over the next year.

I think it will be harder then learning a new language or finally learning linear algebra. A part of me is filled with dread. That will pass, eventually. To all of my friends that happen to read this, I am sorry that I have been so quiet. I will do my best not to be so quiet moving forward from this point.

I love my kids.

Today has been an exasperating and generally frustrating day. The youngest has been in a contrary mood and the eldest is ill.

Just the same, I love them dearly and wouldn't trade these moments. I am deeply thankful that I have them in my life. I am a blessed woman, even though somedays I have a hard time keeping that fact in sight.

Random thoughts.

I just realized that if I had a single typed page for each entry in here, I would have a book written by now.

It gives me a great deal of hope to see this.

In other news, I'm so annoyed with the kids trashing the room literally behind me as I finish cleaning something up. I absolutely can't wait for preschool tomorrow. Both boys are going to be out of the house for a little while and I can have a little peace.