Cesarian section = Questions.

I'm sitting here reading the pre-admission paperwork for the hospital where I'm going to be delivering this new baby. I have to admit, I am a little confused about a few things. When I delivered the boy, (I'm going to need to come up with a new nickname for him) it was two days before my due date. Well, I suppose technically one.

I sit here and I'm trying to figure out when would be a good date to schedule the c-section delivery. I'm due on the second Sunday of August and according to the hospital's website, I can expect my stay to be roughly three days. As I looked at the calender from when my first child was born, it shows that my stay was almost a week. At the time, however, I had preeclampsia. That created some complications and makes planing based on past events rather difficult.

In talking with my doctor, it's been a learning experience. They don't know if I'll develop preeclampsia with this pregnancy or not. None of the studies show anything conclusive except that preeclampsia is bad and if left untreated can be lethal. I still find myself concerned that I'm going to have to deal with it this pregnancy. I've been attempting to learn if I'm more at risk to develop it because I had it the first pregnancy but nothing is really being shown conclusively. It's more then a little alarming to discover how poorly understood this disorder is.

I've been reading stuff and trying to make the best decision. It's not proving easy. I think I need to talk to the doctor and have her help me plan when to deliver. I also think I need to ask her again to explain preeclampsia to me. I've been having more headaches and dizzy spells over the last few months. The headaches have been more intense and the nausea has been a relatively constant companion the whole time.

As I've been reading and trying to make sense of my symptoms (and maybe even find some decent remedies to help cope) I'm stumbling on to finding out that I might be showing some of the early symptoms of preeclampsia. It rather scares the hell out of me. I'm not looking forward to that doctor appointment next week.

Been feeling exhausted.

I have been incredibly tired. I'm pretty sure it's because of the pregnancy. Nausea is easing up but I'm starting to have some difficulty sleeping again. This time it's because of leg spasms, the baby kicking my bladder, and cravings. Last night, I woke up at about 2 AM craving tomatoes, bananas, and Corn Pops. Thankfully it wasn't all together in one bowl but rather first the tomatoes, then the bananas, and finally the cereal. While I didn't have bananas or the Corn Pops, I at least had some tomatoes and a bowl of cereal.

I really hope that I don't have that storied craving for ice cream and pickles. The concept has always revolted me.

Blogs, blogs, and yet more blogs.

So, I sat down and thought about it. I realized that I've got multiple blogs for different purposes. I do a crappy job of updating them and it's just far too disorganized to really be enjoyable. So, I'm going to make a schedule for when I update each blog and I'm going to plan out what each blog is going to be for and note it.

As cheezy as it may sound, I actually think that organizing like this is going to do me some good with my writing.

In other news, I'm in the midst of putting together three book proposal/submission packages. One is for my fantasy novel. One is for a dream interpretation book that I've been working on for literally 9 years now. (A lot of research and writing at sporadic intervals has dragged this project out.) And the third is for a book on witchcraft that is still in the initial draft phase and not even a completed manuscript. I'm approximately four chapters in and sifting my way through a mountain of research and still organizing.

I'm terrified to send out these things. I think it's why I'm being waaaaaaay too critical of the proposal/submission package that I'm putting together. So, I've decided that I'm just going to bite the bullet and write the things up. I'm going to have them done by the 26th and mailing them out on the 27th. And to make sure that I get this done, I'm going to enlist the aid of a few people to kick my butt into working on this.

I know that I can write a novel in a month. I know that I can write several novels in a year. I'm pretty sure that if I stopped being obsessed with making sure that the manuscript was perfect, I could edit a novel in two months. So, I'm going to probably need beta readers and people to help me edit.

I still can't believe I'm going to do this. On one hand I'm terrified but on the other I'm actually pretty excited and relieved. I suppose making a conscious effort to put some of the insanity of my side of the family behind me is doing some good. And I can use the blogs and journaling to help me write my way out of the intermittant depression that has been making my life hell for months.

Who knows, perhaps it will do some good and get me something that resembles a little peace within my heart. It'd be nice to not be quite so anxious all the time.

What We Did Today: 3/5/09

The last few days have been crazy. As a result, I haven't had the opportunity to post what we've done. I'll be honest, pregnancy and the busy couple of days have made things blur together so giving a quick synopsis would not work out that well. So, I'm going to focus on today.

This morning went well. Breakfast was waffles and despite a minor temper-tantrum, it was peaceful. I'm delighted to say that my stomach decided to let me eat breakfast, so the boy enjoyed breakfast even more because he could eat with me. After breakfast, I read him a few stories and then let him play independently.

Cars and trucks were driven across the dining room floor before being dropped back into the box which holds them. All on his own! He decided he was done playing with his cars and he put them away. To say the least, I clearly and delightedly expressed praise for his efforts. At which point, he began picking up other toys and putting them into the toy basket in the living room for a few minutes before sitting down with his drum. I think we're almost to the stage of having him help out with cleaning up.

We took a walk this morning and saw quite a few different types of trucks. The boy especially enjoyed the tractor-trailers and the tow trucks that were red. He was very good when we stopped at our favorite little restaurant near home. We shared a bit of lemonade and some crackers. As he smiled at the waitress and ate his crackers, I decided we'd have lunch.

This went wonderfully well, even with the introduction of other small children who were not behaving into the mix. The mother with the 14 month old child who was being a screaming banshee and trying to climb out of his high chair kept casting envious eyes at my boy who was being good. He was doing his best to use his spoon to get his hot dog pieces and didn't drop food on the floor intentionally. This was a first. He was all eyes and smiles as more people arrived.

We watched as families sat down around us to lunch. My son smiled and played peek-a-boo with another little toddler near his age across the restaurant until I told him to eat his lunch. At which point he did a wonderful job of listening to me. It was when the police officers came in for their lunch that food was forgotten and my boy just stared at them in awe. The officers were bemused by his slack jawed interest. He completely ignored the trucks that drove by the large window we were sitting near to watch them as they found their table.

When we were on our way out, the boy waved at them and then shyly hid his face against my shoulder with an enormous smile as the younger of the two officers waved back. It was painfully cute and makes me look forward to doing this next month. Nap time came and went with no trouble. It was actually at the end that things got difficult.

For some reason, the boy woke up crying loudly. I think it was one of those infamous toddler night terrors. I changed him and he was dry and the diaper was clean. So there was nothing to irritate his diaper rash. I hate diaper rash because it makes babies so miserable. Fortunately, when he teethes it's multiple teeth at once and I don't get the screaming and cranky baby for weeks on end. If the Gods are kind, that will be the same with the next one.

I sorted and picked up his toys. The boy was such a trooper. He helped me out with putting the toys away by handing them to me. It was another very cute and sweet moment. There was a little bit of a temper-tantrum when it was time to go down stairs, but that was gone when he realized that the back door was open. The weather was wonderfully warm and we went out back for a few minutes to see how the throw rugs from the living room were airing out.

Now it's dinner time and he's enjoying his food. I think we're in for a quiet and pleasant evening.

Ramblings.

I'll post tomorrow about what we did today, as the evening is shaping up to not give me time. I am going to indulge myself in a little bit of whining. Roughly 2 weeks ago, I pulled a muscle in my lower back. I'm mostly recovered except for one thing. My back gets stiff and makes it difficult to move in certain ways right now. I'm disappointed to say it, but I think my doctor was right and I may need to go see somebody about it.

It makes picking up moderately heavy things uncomfortable and generally moving around miserable at times.

What We Did Today 3/2/09

First, a bit of rambling mouth noise that can be disregarded if so desired. The last week has been insane and I think I'd prefer it if things like my morning sickness just didn't rear their ugly heads again. It's not so much that I've been too busy to post as it is that I've been too disorganized and scattered to do so. My PTSD has been making life hell and I absolutely fucking HATE it.

Ok, ranting/rambling done! On to what the boy and I did today!

This morning was an odd morning for us. Breakfast was fairly quiet, as usual. The boy doesn't get very excited over breakfast unless it's pancakes. I'll be making some in the near future, but we don't have them very often. So, pancakes = treat. Once breakfast was done, he got to play on the floor with his cars and I think I almost tripped and killed myself on them three or four times walking thru the room. Thank the gods that we don't have Matchbox cars everywhere! I'd surely have been dead six times over then.

After the playing with cars happened to the sound of the morning news show, the TV got turned off and he began playing with his music playing toys as I read some e-mails and news stories on the Internet. He then decided that he wanted to cuddle. So, he sat on my lap while I looked at a few webcomics, which he was fairly bored with except for Questionable Content. He seemed to really enjoy the coloring that was done for that one because he kept pointing at the green shirt/jacket that the character of Martin was wearing.

We then went away from the computer and looked out the window. The wind was blowing pretty good today and making the trees in back sway. The boy kept pointing out the window at them with a huge smile on his face. We sat on the couch and read his board book If I Had A Little Train. I think we read that three times before he decided he wanted to get down off the couch.

So, off the couch went the little boy and this was about when I started feeling absolutely exhausted for no reason. Oddly enough, this was also around when the boy started his fussy because he's tired business that happens sometimes when he misses a nap or goes down for it late. The odd thing was this happened at around 10:30 in the morning, almost two hours before it usually happened. So, we went up stairs for what I thought was going to be a little nap.

I was wrong. We slept for a while. It was around 3 in the afternoon when we got up. I'm rather confused by this because as far as I know, everybody (my husband, son, and I) slept well last night. Either way, when nap time was done, we had a late lunch. I just have to say, my son's love of sandwiches makes lunch time so easy! He was delighted with his ham sandwiches and crackers. I was impressed by the fact that he drank three cups of milk.

I think we'll be dealing with a growth spurt soon because his appetite has increased recently. I know we're going to be dealing with teething. In addition to him drooling like a faucet has been turned on inside that little mouth, he has now started trying to chew on everything and he has diaper rash. I think it's another molar coming in but I could be wrong.

This afternoon, he drove his little remote control car around the floor. It was actually very cute because he made a point of walking over to me where I was sitting on the couch to point at his car spinning around in circles as he pushed the button. I have to say, Lady_Cinnibar, you are a genius and this was probably one of the best Christmas gifts he's gotten so far.

We had a little meltdown when it was time for the car to get put away but by then it was time for the news. When the weather man came on, it was all good. The boy decided he wanted to cuddle some more and made a point of putting his cheek against my belly. I think he can feel the baby squirming around inside. As I felt the baby move, my son cuddled closer to me and put his hand on my belly.

It was a sweet and special moment... up until the baby inside kicked my bladder and my toddler son pushed against my bladder as he stood up. A part of me almost wondered if there was some kind of psychic exchange between them to plan that. Was it a conspiracy to make me really need to run to the bathroom? And if so, why did my son throw his usual screaming tantrum when I went upstairs to do so?

Dinner time went well and when his father got home, he had a good time watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune as I finished up dinner for my husband and I. I think he prefers 'Wheel' because of the colors on their wheel, but that's just my suspicion.